The BEST Facebook Post of the Week

Yep.  I love Facebook.  I'm not ashamed.  I'll admit it.  And I hate Facebook.  Yep, I'll admit that too.  There are always posts and comments and things that make me wanna either get on my knees and thank God for birth control or find the nearest school and run in to embrace all the little children.  I don't recommend either.  Knees were meant for one thing and that's not praying.  *wink wink*  And the teachers get all freaky when you hug the students.

The current beef with Facebook is the political free-for-all going on.  I don't discuss politics.  I don't care what you believe.  I don't care who you plan to vote for.  Don't step on my choices either.  We can all co-exist.  Truly.  It's the same way as me not forcing you to maintain a fake farm.  I'm a member of the FarmVille fans.  And while I just can't fathom anyone NOT enjoying the hell out of fake farms, alien cows and crops of gummy bears, I won't insult you over it.  Well, not to your face. YES, I am being facetious about FarmVille...(just in case the FV cops are monitoring my posts again).

A friend posted this "prayer" a few nights ago.  I copied and shared it today.  Many of my friends are copying and pasting on their statuses.  OMG, it is going viral.  I agree with Mary Dempsey and am posting the prayer here 'cause this is my blog and I can post what I want.  I know my rights!!!  

"Dear Lord, Help me to retain the friends I have during these next months while this Political Back and Forth BS goes on. Please help me to keep my mouth shut and just move on from posts that offend me or piss me off as I hope those who see posts from me that offend or piss them off will do the same. I'll let them have their say on THEIR wall and in return please let me have mine on my wall. I won't make negative comments to your posts so please refrain from any negative comments on mine. I'll let them believe what they want to believe and I'll believe what I want to believe. I will not be bashing them for who they choose to support and I'd appreciate them doing the same for who I want to support. So Lord, please guide us to our respective corners and help us to ignore each other's political views until the next election is done and over...AMEN ; )" (by Mary A. Dempsey)

I've posted it just as she wrote it.  No editing.  I hope that some of my friends and neighbors will read this and consider NOT commenting negatively when they don't agree.  There are days that we all just need a virtual big frigging smiley face and not a barrage of ugly.  Join hands now, kids, and let's sing some Kumbaya, k?

Cake, Frosting, Spork, Fred

So, I'm walking into the bakery.  Don't judge me, people.  Cake was needed.  With frosting.  For someone else, mind you.  And I saw a sign.  A perfect sign.  An event.  With a goat.  About a goat.  GORDON, I shrieked.  Scared the crap out of the little pimple-faced bookworm cheerleader-reject bopping out the door with her ONE (who the hell buys ONE cookie?) cookie in hand.  Yes, a goat.  On a poster.  About a goat event.  And....are you ready for this??  I don't have my frigging cell phone to take picture.  I have failed my girls.  Ladies, it was a total Gordon-festish kinda deal and I got no pic.  I would have gone back to the car, retrieved my phone and taken a wondrous photo to share but alas, I had an arm full of cake and a date with destiny.  Okay, not destiny.  His name was Fred.  And it wasn't a date.  But it involved moving furniture.  And a knife.  And singing.  Bad singing.  While this was a momentous, spine-tingling moment, there was more fun to be had later.  Fun, as in stab yourself in the wimmens parts with a frigging Spork kinda fun.  I kid you not.  I may have to rest tomorrow and avoid the real world.  I may be entirely too much for this world.  But know this.  And never forget it.  I was so seriously rocking the hell out of my Honey Boo Boo Child tee shirt, that I seriously felt the earth move a bit in its own wonder and amazement.  Well, that movement may have been my dinner making a return appearance after being stuck moving a frigging TV with Fred, the "helpful" neighbor.  I might be wrong though.  More on that later.

Happy National Dog Day!!

OMG, I never knew there was a national holiday celebrating dogs.  You all know how I feel about my special kid and I know you have pets you love too.  In honor of dogs, I'm just going to share a couple photos of my kids.  Woody has a special place in my heart forever and Frostee just lights up my world.

Here is a link to the website dedicated to this special day and also some fun stuff to do with your special furry friend:

http://www.nationaldogday.com/ways_to_celebrate.htm

A Quick Share...

http://www.roniloren.com/blog/2012/7/20/bloggers-beware-you-can-get-sued-for-using-pics-on-your-blog.html

Apologizing in advance should I ever inadvertently use someone's photo by mistake.  I do use clip art and find it through free sites or through posts on Facebook.  To me, when those posts offer the option of "sharing", you are doing just that when you copy them or repost.

 

Parrot Doggy is watching you!

The Only Thing Keeping Me Going

It's no secret that my life has been a serious suck-fest lately.  Today, my aunt died.  Bonnie fought a long, hard battle against ovarian cancer.  She will be truly missed.  Within my (extended) family, we have lost three aunts, an uncle, a former uncle, and two cousins over a period of two years.  My sister, family and I also lost a very, very dear friend at the beginning of this year.  In May, I lost my dear, sweet baby, Woody.

I had not planned on a second dog.  I don't like small dogs.  I wasn't planning on a puppy.  And then Frostee entered my world.  Right now, he is the only thing that brings a smile to my face.  He's my reason for getting out of bed.  He makes me laugh and he's so incredibly cute that I can't help cooing and fussing over him.  Yeah, I know.  I'm disgusting.  I am a dog mom in love with her kid.

Because I am so depressed and so sad, I'm devoting this entry to my kid.  I hope his photos bring a smile to your face too.  I know my blog is usually funny and light but I just can't pull it off right now.  I'm going through the motions of life but not living.  I'm just existing now.  I'm sure this will pass but today...now...I'm too far down to see that light.  Maybe it's not there at all.  I dunno.  

Bring on the cute!

I played on the dirty pool cover.  A lot.

 No, Mommy, I didn't knock all of your papers onto the floor. 

My first night in my new home.

Chia Seeds, Muffins and Madness

I'm gonna admit it.  So, sit back and hold tight to your love handles.  I don't like Dr. Oz.  Okay, breathe, it'll all be okay.  I promise.  And really?  Would I lie to you?  Every one of his shows is telling us about weight loss and cancer prevention.  Sorry, I can't take the pressure.  I eat stuff.  I suck down my fair share of oxygen.  I live in the real world.  Constantly being told that getting cancer is probably gonna end up being my own fat fault - well, I have enough guilt from other sources, thanks.  I've been on so many guilt trips that I have matching luggage and tons of frequent flyer miles.

BUT, I do like Dr. Oz's muffins.  And I like chia seeds.  Never had a Chia Pet though and for this, let's all have a moment of silence.  This particular pet makes me giggle.  --->

Here's the recipe for the muffins.  I made some changes.  First, I don't grind my seeds.  Too much work.  And we all know how I feel about work.  Secondly, I add extra Craisins.  Who wouldn't given the chance?  Toss in some of the cherry or blueberry flavored ones.  Yummy.  You might consider an extra egg white too.  These babies are kinda dense.  Chia seeds are the new superfood health experts are talking about. These nutrient-packed seeds have been shown to fight cancer and suppress appetite while providing mega amounts of calcium and omega-3s.

Chia Muffins

Ingredients
1 tbsp ground chia seeds
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup sweet potato purée
1 cup unsweetened apple sauce
2 egg whites
1/2 cup agave syrup
2 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp lemon zest
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup dried cranberries

Directions
Mix together wet ingredients. In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients.  Fold wet ingredients into dry ingredients.  Scoop into muffin tins and bake for 15-20 minutes at 350˚F.

The next food adventure will involve hemp.  No, I'm not planning a batch of marijuana brownies.  Again.  Now.  I need to read more about hemp protein.  Seems it might give whey protein isolate a run for its money.

Until next time, dear reader, make some muffins.  Your tummy will thank you.  And Dr. Oz will be so proud.

Funerals, Family and Frappuccino

What a strange, odd day.  My sister and I visited the funeral home this evening for the visitation of our aunt.  It wasn't overly sad because this death was somewhat expected.  But it was odd in that it was a family event and only Sue and I were there representing "our" family.  We've left one phase and are entering another.  I hate change.  I hate change.  And did I mention that I hate change?

A trip to Starbucks reminded me that I also hate cake pops.  I'm totally WTF? about them.  It's not cake, it's not a lollipop and it is a total screw over on frosting.  But coffee or something sweet and calorie-laden was necessary after dealing with family.  Our time at the funeral home was spent discussing aging parents, illness and nursing homes.  Believe me, the coffee and cake pop barely put a dent in the bad taste in my mouth after talking such super fun topics.

Sue and I (she's my sister BTW) are considering having our parents move in with us.  We don't see a lot of other options.  A nursing home is what we need but you can't find those for free and the parents don't want to go anyway.  Not sure I want to discuss this right now, dear readers.  Just thinking about it makes my stomach burn and churn.

Joy and mirth.  Life is just plain difficult some days...  Seriously weird, complicated, sad and difficult.

RIP Aunt Iola

Why Mondays Should Be Against The Law

There are days that just start off poorly.  Mondays tend to take the hit on that.  My day started with a phone call from my dad.  He wanted all the details about scheduling a doctor's appointment.  Finally, with the help of some hand puppets, stick figures and a call to NASA, we got that taken care of.  Then my brother called to ask if I knew our aunt died.  I was all, "Duh, dude, that happened Saturday.  Try to keep up."  He was giving me the funeral information when his other phone rang.  It was Dad.  I have no idea what they talked about but I'm sure that doctor's appointment was a hot topic.  I later got a text with the funeral info.  I love texts.  So much nicer than having to actually speak to someone.

I went onto Facebook and was met with an ugly surprise.  I seem to have been unfriending by someone.  I'm really hurt.  I have yet to find out what happened.  This is a person I talk to daily.  More than once a day actually.  After I shed a tear, I moved onto FarmVille.

I enjoy playing FarmVille but lately, it has been one serious PITA.  Nothing works.  I had had a response from the game's creators this morning.  Told me how they fixed all my issues.  Uh, yeah.  NOT.  So, I sent another complaint.  I have again been assured that all is right in my little farm world and they tossed in some freebies.  When you're feeling that you have done nothing all day, you can head to your farm and move stuff around and you feel like you've really done something.  Okay, that's a feeble attempt at rationalizing wasting time sitting on my butt playing.  Yeah, yeah.  You know you've been there too, dear reader.

A friend told me that I have a style similar to Erma Bombeck.  I was pleased.  I loved Erma.  I told my sister this.  She said that I was more like Martha Stewart with Bitchaholic tendencies and that I probably needed therapy.  I love my sister.  And I love children.  Deep fried.  With ketchup.

If anyone has any thoughts on where you turn when you have turned a full circle and still see that your life is heading nowhere, your love life sucks and you can't even maintain a Facebook friendship, please write me in care of the nearest Macadamia Ranch.  'Cause that's where I'm headed.  Insert big, huge sigh here.

I can't keep my twisted mind from wandering though, sad or not.  Here's another good blog name:  The Drama Llama.  I know people who could so totally pull this off.  How about:  Debbie Does Depression?  Or 99 Ways to Suck at Life if You're a Fuzz-Covered Lollipop Mixed in With the Good Flavors?

And on that note, I'm off.  Thanks for stopping by.  Y'all come back now, ya hear?  Damn, now I miss Hee Haw.

First ever PEACE, LOVE, AND LOW CARB Cookbook!

I just donated to this cause.  Love her recipes and support.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Peace-Love-and-Low-Carb/167748223291784

Rah Rah Girls and Other Horrors

I think I need to give up Jenny Craig for a while.  My consultant is nice enough.  But she's a rah rah girl.  I may have to kill her soon.  There are times when no amount of cheerleading is gonna cut it.  I need to be honest with her and tell her that she's obnoxious but I'd hate to make her cry.  She's so supportive that I'm considering renaming her Bra.  Sheesh.  Honestly, I am not doing well with sticking to the Jenny food and feel like I'm letting Bra and myself down.  But Bra's pocketbook isn't taking the same hit as mine.  Sure, she works on commission but I'm the one reusing toilet paper to pay for the JC food.  By reusing toilet paper, I mean that I am using the rolls that Frostee has chewed and mangled.  You thought I was seriously doing a recycle thing, huh?  You are twisted, dear reader.

I should be in the pool right now, jogging my pudgy little heart out.  Instead, I'm blogging, messing on Facebook and trying to put life into perspective.  My day started with a call from my dad.  My aunt has died.  No, not the aunt who is ill and in hospice.  A different one.  The one who never liked me.  It's true.  You can ask my mom.  Aunt Iola was a character.  She was prim and proper and a real stick up the butt type.  But being married to my uncle, she had little choice on that.  It was sad when I realized that she was one of the very few people who attended my parents' wedding.  Family and friends are dying off and it's sad and depressing.

Yesterday was a joyful event.  NOT.  I started the day with my dad and his visit to his oncologist.  It went okay.  He had a chest x-ray and the films looked a bit better than the previous ones.  The tumor in the left lung looks smaller.  There is scar tissue though and he needs to see a pulmonologist.  He doesn't want to out of fear and ignorance.  I may have to smack him.  So, we finished that fun and went into the hospital to get my mom.  Finally got her discharged and made our way to the rehab center.  Mommy is a frequent resident there.  I have no idea how long she'll be there or what they'll be able to do.  While she is incarcerated (snicker), we will be looking into a permanent facility for her and my dad.  They are adamantly opposed.  Too bad, so sad.  No, seriously, this is really hard.  There isn't any other choice.  For them to remain at home is not safe, not feasible and not even workable.  I talked about the kinds of facilities and what they had to offer.  Both parents had objections.  I kept talking.  I know they were angry and my dad thought it was a bad time to talk about it.  Like there's a GOOD time?  We've been dancing around this for six months.  It's time.

But back to the cheerleader...  I'm not sure having to "report in" to her and have that accountability is good for me right now.  I am accountable to myself.  I don't know that the pressure of worrying about pleasing anyone else is what I need.  At least right now.  I'm already dreading the Wednesday phone call.  I'm so tired, so stressed, so sad and in such despair, I don't really care what number is on the scale.  I'm feeling guilty right this minute.  I should be in the pool.  I just don't care today.  I don't have the energy to walk out there, much less get in and jog.  And yes, that's when I need the exercise and Zen time the most.  I am so not feeling it.  I'm on the edge of tears and I can't give in to that.

So, my dear readers, let's hope tomorrow is a better day.  My thought for today is:  Cheerleaders Should Be Maimed and Left in a Bloody Heap.  Or something to that effect.

I remain,

Your Pool Girl

The Numero Uno Posto

Well, we're off.  Welcome to my new blog.  I'm Laura.  I like my pool.  I don't really swim in it though.  I'm a pool jogger.  Hey, it works for me.  I have added arm weights to the routine.  My "guns" are taking shape.  I'll never have Michelle Obama's arms but if I did, she'd need hooks or something and well, they would be a bit dark on me.

I have no idea what this blog will be about as my focus changes daily.  Today, I did an hour pool jog, tried to stick to eating Jenny Craig diet food and I didn't end up in jail.  Tomorrow, that all could change.  My father has been battling lung cancer and Friday will have an appointment with his oncologist.  After that, we'll be going to get my mom sprung from the hospital and taken to a rehab facility.  She's been a frequent flyer in the hospital and at rehab.  NO, sorry, it's not that kind of rehab.  That would be cool and fun.  This rehab is ortho and will help get her a bit stronger.  She and my father are in bad health and have enough issues that they are requiring a lot of assistance.  They need to sell their house and move to some kind of assisted living facility.  They are reluctant.  Okay, they are adamantly opposed right now.

More on the family drama and battles later.  Now, let's talk fun and cute.  This is my fur kid, Frostee.  He's a 6.8 pound Maltese.  I love him to pieces and talk about him constantly.  I have become "one of those dog moms" I swore I'd never be.  I can raise my own blood sugar cooing and ooohing and ahhhing over his cuteness.  I have some serious puppy love happening.  He was an unplanned event in my life and is one of the only things that makes me smile on a daily basis.  Maybe an hourly basis.  He's darned cute!